As I was sitting and blasting one of the dearest friends I have, on social media as my WCW (Woman Crush Wednesday) something dawned on me. There are times in life when we get so caught up in the now and wanting to be cool or with the “in crowd,” we forget about what is important. First off, Tiffany is beautiful and well-liked and a blast to hang out with. What I am talking about are those people who aren’t genuine friends and are just fun to be around. We all have had them at one point or another. Personally, I try to see the best in everyone so there are times when I look at those fun friends and I think well maybe they really are genuine they just don’t know how to show it. I’ve finally gotten to the realization, that’s false. They may miss hanging out with you from time to time and will shoot you a message telling you so, but they don’t invest in your life.

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Those friends are like an addiction. You find yourself going back to them, especially in tough times. They are your escape. You know you will have fun with them. Most likely you’ll go out drinking or something of the sort. They will reinforce your negative emotions about whatever it is you’re battling and do a pretty good job of taking your mind off of it. It is a good situation, until the next day or a few days later when the problem is still there but you’ve just been running from it. When you try to cut them out little by little, it hurts. When you cut them out cold turkey, it’s miserable but there comes a point where you have to realize it’s what you have to do.

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I see it in other’s people and their “friendships” as well. Listening to them talk you pick up on how those toxic people only seek them out when they want something. If you are doing something fun they want to partake in, they’ll start being your best bud again. If they want a running buddy to join them, they’ll try their best to convince you that you miss it and should rejoin them. When I sit and listed to people I care about talk about how they have this group of friends who does nothing but talk ill of others, who are unhappy with themselves and don’t know who they want, who act shady, who only reach out to them when they want something, who are unsupportive of things that make them happy, who are cnostantly creating their own cirlce of drama and even fighting with each other… it’s not always surprising. It may be somethin you had already started noticing about their particular group of friends, but you try your best to keep quiet. It seems to never fail that those friends try to wedge their way back in. They pull on the emotions and fun memories and want to drag them back into the cycle. It’s so hard to watch people you love go down that road. Those “friends” aren’t the ones who are there unconditionally. They aren’t supportive no matter what. They don’t try to make you a better person. It’s a battle and so often they lose. I have been in the situation myself a time too many.

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I have always had good intentions but I screw up a lot. I use my words because that’s what I know, it is who I am. I try to talk through things and when there are things I want to fix, I talk about it. My problem is that I have these good intentions and mean well but I forget that I need to demonstrate through action. I have been a bad friend myself at times. I have found that it is worse when I am associating and hanging out with my toxic friends. A long time ago, I fell into a pattern. I found friends who were fun. I loved doing things with them and we never had a bad time. We created some great memories. Some of the best memories I will probaly ever have. But I wasn’t a good person then. I got pulled into the gossip, the fakeness,being self-absorbed… it was bad. I am doing my best, right now, to rid myself of those awful traits I picked up. I used to only speak the best of people, never gossipped, invested in my real friendships and was much happier. I went down a very sad and dark road when I joined that toxicity. I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to rid myself of it. If someone wants to demonstrate that they are a true genuine friend and show a matched commitment to our friendship then I am all for it. I want to surround myself with people who empower me, remind me of who I really am, push me to be a better person, are happy for my opportunities, encourage me, want me to be happy despite their opinions of a situation, mean what they say, shy away from gossip and drama, etc. I definitely have those friends. They have always been there, I just strayed away from them and I am ashamed to admit it. So that’s my new emphasis. Focusing on spending my time with people who make me a better version of myself and rekindling our friendships.

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By staying in the same circle of toxicity, you don’t go anywhere. You’ll never find your own true happiness in life and you won’t make the positive strides for a bright future. I know what I want in my future and I am realizing how to get it. It definitely isn’t easy and it will hurt at times but if you can endure the test and the struggle today, you will enjoy a true happiness tomorrow.  

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One of the greatest examples I have is Tiffany. She has been at my side through more than anyone. Even when I don’t invest in our friendship and go off with those toxic friends, she is right there, always waiting and being supportive. She encourages me to be a better person and looks inside me and sees my heart and who I really am. We have fun memories and have never had a fight because we talk through things. We can pick up after not talking for days or even weeks and you’d never know it had been longer than a few minutes. She is a bright becon of faith and true friendship in this dark polluted world. I am so thankful for her. I have others like her, Kirstie. Oh my latina lover. She has quite a personality on her. We call her fuega when her fire side comes out. Her brother passing away brought us together. We have shared more personal demons with each other and supported each other through more than I would have imagined possible. She checks on me weekly if not daily, I try to do the same. She will send me scriptures adn books to help me through certain aspects of my life. She will be brutually honest with me when I need it. She worked through her own demons and toxicity and since has built an amazing life for her and her new hubby. Seeing them being able to work through such a hard time and come out on top was amazing. Taylor is definitely one. She is real. She is honest. She is a good person with good morals. Nothng makes me happier than to see the pure love between her and Noah. They are my favorite couple. Now that they have sweet little Blakely, they are a whole little family and nothing makes me happier than to see that. Jackie and I had a rough beginning but we have broken through that toxicity and learned how to be true friends to each other. She also keeps me in check when I am wrong and helps me when I need her. AJ (Andrea) has been my friend since we were forced to like each other when we were little haha. Her dad was a police officer with my mom and I got dropped off at their house when we were young. We have been friends ever since. She would and has done so much for me. I am happy to see her happy in her marriage and continuing to grow in her career. Brittany has been my best friend since I was 13. I am sure that no one has seen me through more embarassing stages than she has and she loved me through them. She went on every family vacation with us. We spent every weekend together. She is real and caring. She found someone who she loves and was also able to work through all of the toxicity and repair their relationship and come out on top. Since then, she is married and has a beautiful newborn boy who I just love to death. Heather has been my friend about the same amount of time. We have never been as close to each other as we were with Brittany but I know she is honest and genuine. If I needed her I could call her. I know where she comes from and have watched her turn into an insanely motivated, strong, intelligent little nurse. So proud of her. Kaycie, we had quite the introduction. We met on very rocky terms but quickly fell into a friendship. We have had more random adventures and crazy stories and love to laugh about them. I know she is heartfelt and true and could tell her anything. She found her perfect match. She and Kirk are newlyweds and moving into their first home together. He is everything she ever wanted. He balances her out. She is a firecracker and even when she’s upset he sits there quiet and gets her through it. Their love it amazing. Shanna is another. She dealt with some of the craziness that came with living with me while we were at NSU. I tried to be there for her during those times and rocky times with Toby until they got through them. We separated for a while. I went my way with the toxic friends and she went hers building her life with Toby. Now that I getting back to me, we have rekindled our friendship and I couldn’t be more pleased. I am also so happy that her and Toby are getting married. They truly learned how to handle each other’s problems and are stronger than ever. It makes my heart happy for such a sweet soul to find all she ever wanted. KK & Kentucky have been shorter friendships but within them I know I have strong allies. They are real girls who listen to me whine and cry and never tell me to shut up. They help me and encourage me. I am thankful for them and look forward to those friendships growing even deeper. There are a few more but it would take me forever to talk about them all. So to you others, thank you. Thank you for being patient and never giving up on me. Thank you for encouraging me. Thank for you all you do and have done for me. I can never thank you enough.   

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About the Author bmartindale

A lover of adventure. My goal is to treat life like one big adventure, taking in all the lessons along the way.

3 comments

  1. Incredibly sweet of you b. Could not be prouder of you and any more honored than i already am to be your friend. Xo
    we were all created to walk this life together and love one another! You are doing just fine bailey.

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